Short jokes

So I went to the bank and a lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

nOnBiNaRy TrAsH

I'm hertophobic -

aka I'm allergic to all straight guys.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes, and everyone is trying to shit on ya.

Your forehead [is] so big [that] every time you shout, your forehead starts pulsing.

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

I'm hertophobic.

It means I'm allergic to straights.

I'm a nonbinary trash can.

Why was the turtle looking at her phone?

She wanted to take a shellfie.

Why aren't there any stray cats in Chinatown?

There are, but they're just listed as "pork" on the menus.

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

What do magicians and prostitutes have in common?

Answer: disappearing acts.

Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!

Rob: .....BECKY :3

The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.

Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.

I dropped my phone, but it’s on airplane mode.

China should be a baseball team because they can take out the whole world with just a bat.

Roses are red, I reload fast...

I'm gonna pull up to your school, bitch you better run fast!

I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.