Short jokes

What does a bird say when it gets sick?

I flu!

What do birds use to check their grades?

Air-ies...

Girl (on thirteenth birthday): Ma, why did papa leave?

Mother: Well, it started exactly 1 year and 189 days ago...

What did the cow say to the fat pig?

Moooooooove over!

What do you call a cow that no one likes? The mooser.

Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.

Actor 1: "I'm Michael with a b and I hate insects."

Actor 2: "Where's the b?"

Actor 1: "THERE'S A BEE???????????!!!!!!!!!!!????????!!!!!"

You're so ugly!

I for the class?

What type of teacher doesn't fart in public?

A private tutor/tooter.

What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?

When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can never find home.

Pictures of the people commenting.

What's so funny about toilet paper? The toilet aspect!

Those are all the same.

(All the jokes above.)

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

Donald Trump is a good president and not a complete moron.

My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?

Roses are red. He shows no remorse.

Santa Claus Has joined the terrorist force.

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."