Short jokes
Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.
Toilet paper fight hat.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
Why was 911 annoyed at the pizza guy?
Because they ordered meat lovers, but they got plane.
Someone broke into my house and took my anti-depressants... I hope they're happy now.
What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?
Liam Malone.
Friend: What fly's and cry's?
You: A cloud.
Friend: What goes up but not down?
You: Your age.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
Women have less rights than a NASCAR track.
Why did Rolf Harris meet underage kids?
To tie his kangaroo down, sport!
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!
Donkeys are cool.
Why would a man spend his whole career at a barn?
Because it's stable.
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach?
It isn't hard.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
Secret code that Bin Laden sent to Obama but couldn't decipher!
It was eloHssA OllEH!!
What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"
Boomer.