Short jokes
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
Belief in Egyptian gods is just Ra-ng (wrong). 😁
What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?
Defective rabies.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
Best chick ever.
Call me at 6969696969.
Warning! Warning! Warning! Warning!
"What? Where?"
God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!
What's an emo's favorite Pink Floyd album?
The Final Cut.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
Why can't orphans have a funeral? Because their parents won't be there.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
I was going to buy a watch today, but I didn't have time.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
Hi huuuuuy.
Who?
Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
The people in the Twin Towers, because they went through over 100 stories in less than 10 minutes.