Short jokes
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Key.
Key who?
Key moo.
Uranus? More like urine is gassy! (Uranus is urine, by the way.)
You’re a grey sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
I’m on top of things. Would you like to be one of them?
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.
No means no, but if you use chloroform, it’s a guaranteed yes.
Girls with the name Carley have the biggest forehead on the earth, I mean, moon.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
His gas bill was too high.
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years.
But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it!
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
My grief counselor died today. He did such a great job. I don't even care.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.