Short jokes
You get a deep voice, you shit talk to 5 year olds.
Whoever took my anti-depressant pills,
I hope you're fucking happy.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
What would you call a gay man's couch? A Homo Sectional.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A bullfrog!
What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?
A kill streak.
If O2 is H2O, what is F?
It is H2O too; F is water as well.
God: Why is the teenager so short?
Angel: I don't know.
God: I said, "Strong as a bear!"
Angel: No, you said, "Ass hair."
God: No, I didn't!
If Trump pooped in a toilet, the toilet would die.
If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.
The coffee was getting mugged, so it called 911.
My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"
I'm pretty sure that "MOI MOI" means "ME! ME!" does it?
Teacher: Why do people snore?
Me: Because they sleep.
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
When a guy falls, it hurts them there. When a woman falls, it hurts more.
There are two Mexicans in a car. Who's driving?
A cop.