Short jokes
Yo mama is so ugly, when she tried to join an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
Yo mama's so ugly, she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
Knock, knock.
Moon, give me cheese.
What instrument do people like to listen to while having sex?
A sex-a-phone.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Michael Jackson is like if a Barbie doll and Bruno Mars had an ugly child together!
I'm jk btw Michael Jackson was amazing!
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
What do you call a fat man that has a stomach shaped like an egg?
Humpty Dumpty!
I tried to dress hot so my boyfriend would cast some attention upon me, but it just made him sweat.
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.