Short jokes

What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?

Bubble 007.

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

Are you my pantry? Because you look like a snack ;)

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.

Why did the sperm cross the road?

I put on the wrong socks this morning.

White people can't say the N-word, but at least they can say, "Thanks for the warning, officer," and "Hi, Dad."

I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.

Guys, we shouldn't make jokes about 9/11. My dad was a victim.

He was the best pilot in Arab.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.

The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.

What do you call a lesbian alien? A "lesbeening."

What’s the difference between 69 and High School?

In 69 you usually only kiss one c*nt and look at one a**hole.

My sister's friends are hilarious, like seriously, haha.

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

Imagine everyone being hoes.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

"Gwen, this was a fake look in the comments!"

Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?

Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.

Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)