I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Short Jokes
I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.
A few days ago, I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, and he sent me a large goat with a long neck. Turns out I phoned Dial-a-Llama.
I hate sitting in traffic, I always get run over.
Hello, I'm C-3PO. And this is my brother, WD-40.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
What do you call an abo with a shotgun?
Sir.
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
What's Kobe's favorite song? "It's Going Down" for real.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
Yurrrrrrr?
Why did the robot eat a lightbulb?
'Cause he was in need of a light snack!
Bababooey.
Pineapple turnover.
F is for friends who don't talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
"You think THAT'S bad?!? Remember the time I was in Paris with Donny de Francovich?"
Everyone, just as a warning, stay AWAY from Akeld!
"I AM NOT PETER GRIFFIN!"
