Short jokes
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.
Anyone else think High School Musical would have been a better film with a school shooter?
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.
What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?
Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.
I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?
Withered Bonnie, more like Bonnie Mcnutt!
Funni.
What did Omnicron say to Delta?
"Same race, bud, different evolution."
"SIX FEET AWAY, OMNI! SIX FEET AWAY!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
Your mama's so fat, I don’t know if it is a hippo or not.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
How do emos like their meat cooked?
Medium rawr.
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.