Short jokes
I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!
Easy way to get away from rape is to become the rapist. All women need to carry a 12-inch dildo and a gun!
What's white, red, blue, and brown all over?
The American flag I used to wipe my ass with.
I don't see why women are complaining about the glass ceiling. I mean, if they reach high enough, they can clean it...
What is red, white, and blue all over?
A dead cop.
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
What do you call staring stares?
Stares.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
What do you call a flat-chested emo girl?
A cutting board.
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.
How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?
She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.
TIL Ariana Grande is actually a pop singer.
I thought it was a fancy coffee for white supremacists.
Your mama's so stupid that she went on to hike Mountain Dew...
Why am I still alive?
Pills give me stomachaches, blood makes me faint, height frightens me...
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.