Short jokes
What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?
Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent.
Muslim child to his mother: "Mom, why is my backpack so heavy?"
Mom: "Allahu Akbar, my son, Allahu Akbar!"
If she’s old enough to smoke, She’s old enough to choke.
If she’s old enough to pee, She’s old enough for me.
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
I don't like calculator jokes because they are too overused.
How do emo bands prepare for their shows?
They self-harmonize.
Why are washers better than babies?
Washers don't cry when you put a load in them.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
I like dildos.
Just cum.
Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
I finally stopped drinking for good.
Now I purely drink for evil.
How is sports like regular life for orphans?
They don't get picked for either.
Why aren't emos and trees friends? Because the tree leaves them hanging.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
What do Jesus and I have in common?
No one knows my real bday either.
Official orgasm donor.
What's the difference between an emo and my clothes?
My clothes don't hang themselves.