Shooting jokes

Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?

A: To shoot up the whole school.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.

You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?

A school shooting.

I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.

After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.

They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.

Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair with a gun? RG-XD

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

I'm in school shooting. #USA

The joke is this website.

If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.

Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.

The way to stop school shootings is to give children an RPG.

*America shoots down balloon*

China: "You killed an innocent man!!"

USA: "What?!"

China: "Yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler."

A nun going down a water shoot? She never felt so wet in all her life!

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!