Shooting jokes

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

Q: Why do Americans fish with guns?

A: To shoot up the whole school.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses.

His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?"

"Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.

You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?

A school shooting.

I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.

After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.

They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.

Your soul is black. I have 4 guns, little kid. Get in the van before I shoot you!

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

I'm in school shooting. #USA

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair with a gun? RG-XD

3 men walk up to Indians, one American, one Muslim, and one African American. The Indians say, "We're all gonna kill you." One of the men asks why. The Indian says, "So we can use your skin to make kyanks." He also says, "Y'all decide how you die." The Muslim says, "I want to drown," so they drown him. The African American says, "Shoot me." And the American grabs a fork and starts poking himself everywhere, I mean everywhere. The Indian said, "What's the point of this?" and the American says, "F**k your kyanks."

The joke is this website.

If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.

Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

I will remember my auntie's last words: "If you shoot me, your p-nis is small!"

(gun shot)

Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!

What would you do after seeing your most loved one shot? Reload.

Why can’t anyone sing “hit me with your best shot” at the veterans ball karaoke?

Because every time she sang the line “fire away,” someone started shooting!