Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
What were my great grandpa's last words?
"SHIT MG42!!!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!
What does the 14 year old and the fetus inside her have in common. They both say, "Ohh sh*t my mom is going to kill me."
It’s a bird.
It’s a plane.
Oh, shit it is a plane!
"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."
Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩
Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.
Holy fucking shit, Addison, watersharky, Gwen, and all of you other cringelords, I swear to God if I hear one more thing about "please be kind, no bullying on the internet," I will actually shoot my local school.
You may not know, since you are only 8 years old or whatever, but the world is not kind. It’s full of sick people out to beat others, and the only way to stay safe is to beat them. So even if you think you are spreading kindness, it’s just gonna make you a target. So just stfu and keep your "please be kind" messages to yourselves.
Dad: I get to touch animals every day at the zoo.
Kid: Why?
Dad: I clean up animal s*** at the zoo.
Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.
A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.
I don't got a pencil or pen in this bookbag. Added like ten to the clip 'cause it look bad. Don't give a fuck if you pissed, nigga, get mad. Or you can bitch and get killed with your bitch ass. Lil' bro got blood on his shirt with his Crip ass. Go write a diss and get murked, don't do shit ass. Bitch, I'm a star, I might burst with my stiff ass. Hop out the car like, "Who want it? Who with that?" I don't know nothin', I was gone when they did that. Bandana wrapped where my chrome and my wig at. If he want beef, hit his home with a Big Mac. Niggas be breakin' the code like a Kit-Kat. Runnin' your mouth like a ho get you bitch-slapped.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
