Shit jokes
Comic: God, you're a fuckin' virgin, aren't you?!
Gerald: No! I've been 'round the block loads of times; women practically drool over me.
Comic: Yeah, and the Archbishop of Banterbury, mate. A name like Gerald, and with added 'four eyes' like them shit pair of glasses from FOUR EYED SPECCY INSTITUTION, mate, the only woman your dick has been in was when you were inside your mom's womb.
What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
There were once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off, while the other one was always happy.
This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine, and you left me in here all night, so I'm angry!"
His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was literally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap, there has to be a pony in here somewhere!"
Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?
What were my great grandpa's last words?
"SHIT MG42!!!"
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit. Jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty, and now they have a daughter.
Secret: Jill didn’t go in the shit yet. Jack went in first and died! :D
Rape jokes like cancer jokes or AIDS jokes are just humorous wordplay. If you don't agree, send me your details, and we'll see if you prefer actual rape to a harmless rape joke... YOU SAD SACKS OF HUMORLESS SHIT MUNCHERS!
What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
"Fortnite battlepass, I just shit out my ass."
Fortnite, Fortnite, did I mention Fortnite, Fortnite, Fortnite?
It’s a bird.
It’s a plane.
Oh, shit it is a plane!
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
Why do all of Oliver Anthony's songs sound like "shit"?
Answer: Because he sucks!
Roses are red, I need a broom, I just shit all over the bathroom.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
Breaking news (2020): Depressed pigeon misses shitting on people.
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩
Billy and Bobby were walking to school one day. Billy pulled out an mp3 player.
"What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just something to zone out the other kids," Billy responded.
The next day, Billy and Bobby were walking to school. Billy rummaged through his backpack and pulled out an mp4 player this time.
"Woah! What's that?" Bobby inquired.
"Oh, just a lil something to shut out the annoying kids at school," Billy responded.
The next day, Bobby noticed Billy's backpack was particularly heavy looking. Billy rummaged through his backpack just outside the school and pulled out an mp5 rifle.
"Holy shit, dude! What the fuck is that for?" Bobby gasped.
"Nice huh? This'll shut those fuckers up for good!" Billy replied.