Shit

Shit jokes

Jack

    • JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.

    Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!

    It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.

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    • Shit memes

    Car

    • A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

    The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

    The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

    The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

    The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

    The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

    The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

    The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

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    • Girl

    • Why do girls wear classic rock T-shirts? Because they are stupid little bitches who need to grow some fashion sense because wearing old shit doesn't make you unique.

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    • Insult

    • Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

    You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

    (Destroys phone cutely)

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    • People

    • Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

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    • Man

    • A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.

    So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."

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