Shit jokes

Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by a few inches and you’re in deep shit.

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

A lesbian couple and a gay couple are going to San Francisco. Who made it first?

The lesbian couple got there lickety-split.

The gay couple was still packing their shit.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that always comes out of your mouth?

My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?

Any ideas?

SHIT!!!!

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

What's green and smells like joemama? Shit from a cock.

What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?

"The whole pile of shits."

What kind of shit does a ghost take every time? A spooky dookie!

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

Engineer: I know engineering, and my gut instinct tells me to fix it!

Biologist: I know biology, and your gut instinct is full of shit.

"My wife is so crazy," said Beatem's McSmasher.

"Why?" asked his buddy Don Caretomarch.

"She's sitting on the front verandah packing my shit in boxes!"

"You getting kicked out, bro?"

"Yeah, all I did was break every plate in the house over her head. Some people have no sense of humor."

"Is she one of them woke bitches?"