What's a lesbian's favorite type of food?
Finger-food.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?
An erection!
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
I joined the military for the group showers.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?
They both have cum in it.
What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
The Homo Sexual was a direct descedant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.
What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?
Gotta Go Fast!
The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.
Q: What's the best part about gardening?
A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
What's two lesbians in a tent?
A finger hut.
