Sex jokes

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

I love eating Hisoka's fat juicy c0ck.

I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.

Why was 7 afraid of 9? Because he's a registered sex offender.

I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

What do lovely men and tampons have in common?

Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

What do you call 2 spies fucking?

Undercover.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

Are you a race car?

Cuz I’m tryna fuck.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.

How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?

He performs fellatio on them.