Sex jokes

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.

What’s another name for nutting in a woman?

Loading the dishwasher.

Don't say you want to eat out a five-year-old's pussy, because I have already shoved a glass dildo in her tight ass pussy, UwU.

Once I got out of bed, my butt hurt afterward.

What do condoms and whores have in common?

Answer: There is a lot that comes in every box.

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

Who sucked on my cock?

Answer: You.

Why can’t an emo have sex?

They can’t make it to the bed, they kept swinging on the tree.

Women are only for sex!

They are good for cooking and sex!

Nothing but those things.

How do you tell a male skeleton from a female skeleton by the BONERS lmao?

Gwen pegs Xavier.

An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.

(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?

A. They're both really short.

Why couldn't the chicken cross the road? Why couldn't the pervert cross the road? Because his dick was in the chicken's ass!

What's the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?

Refrigerators don't queef when you pull your meat out.

Little Johnny once was at a camp and asked his teacher if he could sleep with her because he was homesick, so the teacher said yes. A few seconds later, Little Johnny asked if he could run his finger in her bellybutton, and she said yes.

A few seconds later, she moaned and felt so good, but it was not his finger putting it down her bellybutton; it was his dick and her penis.

When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...

I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!

What's the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Pulling the diapers back up when you're done!