Sex jokes

Pussy, no pussy.

What song is sung when conceiving?

"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?

You can't get either one at home.

A dog was in the vet's waiting room and another dog asked, "What are you here for?"

"Well, my owner was looking under her bed for something while naked and I couldn't resist, so I mounted up and screwed her senseless."

"Oh, so you're here to get neutered?"

"Nah, I'm just getting my nails clipped."

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅

What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? You can't peanut butter your dick up a dead baby's ass.

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

Penis.

How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?

How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!

I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."

Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.

I love eating Hisoka's fat juicy c0ck.

Why was the egg runny?

Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common?

They both like oil.

The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

My I.

May I who?

May I put this pussy on your mouth?

If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."

Nah, it's a penis.