Sex jokes

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!

Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.

69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120

58008 (flip calculator)

Boobless.

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?

Because they just keep getting harder and harder!

How do you know if you’ve walked into a sex addicts' counselling session?

The psychologist will thank you for coming.

What's another name for cumming inside a woman? Loading the dishwasher.

My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.

You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.

What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???

Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?

Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.