Sex jokes
It's impossible to rape a rapeist because rapeists want sex.
What is the difference when I have my dick in your mouth or when you have yours in mine?
Oh, I forgot, you don't got one, bitches, suck my dick.
YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.
When fat people smash, it must feel like a huge submarine hitting you.
Do you think you can solve a riddle about my penis because I don't think you can...
It's too hard.
You smash me so hard, I gave her the D.
So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.
And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What should people do with their floppy dicks?
I give them a good wiggle waggle to raise awareness of something!
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
My penis is so polite. It stands up so girls can sit down.
Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.
It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.
Orgasm means two things:
1. During you masturbate.
2. You torture phantoms.
I tried to have phone sex once.
But the holes were too small.
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.