Sex jokes

Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.

Roses are red, violets are fine, you'll be the 6 and I'll be the 9.

What is the best type of girl to fuck?

Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!

What does a girl get after having sex with Batman?

Defective rabies.

What did the dick say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in. 😚😏

Huh, I’m pregnant again. Must be something in the air.

Yeah, your legs.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.

When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.

Serves him right.

I sucked your mom's anus.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

Gay person to girl: What’s your favorite planet?

Girl: Penus-(penis)(venus), and what is yours?

Gay person: What else, it's Your Anus (Uranus)!😅

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

What's the difference between sex and mental illness?

Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.

My best friend said, "Can you put your dick in me?" I said, "Can I cum in you?"