Sex jokes
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
What's the difference between sex and gender?
You can't have gender with your sister.
Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!
Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
What do you say when Jack's late to sex ed?
"Aye-jack-you-late!"
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.