Sex jokes

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.

What do the Twin Towers and my Mom have in common? They both went down on my dad.

Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?

Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"

BAJAHAHAHHAA

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock. Now suck that cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock!

Why do pedophiles always lose a race?

Because they come in a little behind.

What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

They say give a man an inch, he'll take a mile. What about women? They don't have dicks.

What kind of ball does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Your mama is such a hoe! It took her 4 attempts to pass her driving test. She couldn't get used to the front seat.

Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.

What's the difference between sex and rape? Some effective drugs.

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.