I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
What is Forrest Gump's password?
1forest1
How do you know if an Asian has broke into your house? Your dog is gone. ;)
Types "I'm not a robot" on computer.
Son, we are geniuses!
what do u call security outside a samsung store guardians of the galaxy
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
The bakery where I work is being robbed. I said to the people, "I am calling the police." Then I realized they did not come for the money; they came for the bread. Huh, go figure!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
What did Pepper say to Spray?
"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Why do you go to the bank?
To get money.
When do you run from the bank?
When the cops come.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!
Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.
What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?
So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.
That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.
Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."
Father: "Sorry."
If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
