Security jokes

Daughter: "I know this is weird, but I feel like someone is watching me when I am sleeping."

Father: "Sorry."

If cops are called pigs, then security guards are piglets.

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?

One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.

What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?

It just doesn't work...

I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.

We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.

Stephen Hawking died because he turned off his VPN.

Guess McAfee doesn’t clear all computer viruses.

Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?

A: They don't belong in buildings.

Stephen Hawking isn’t dead, he’s just using VPN.

Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.

I was coming out of airport and a rober kept his gun on my head I requested him please don't kill me as I have my old mom and dad at my home . Kill Them.

One apple a day keeps the doctor away; not logging onto servers using management or service accounts keeps SecOps people away.

What will Donald Trump build in our devices?

A firewall.

If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?

What is Forrest Gump's email password?

1forrest1

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...

so Trump can't tweet it.