New Security Jokes - Page 2 - Worst Jokes Ever

Those rape alarms give you a headache, don't they?

Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.

31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento".

When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.

"See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow.

The second crow takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it."

"How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow.

"Look at its hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.

33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

“I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

“I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home.

“I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here.”

34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly.

“Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?”

“I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.

36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

Are suicide bombers taught properly how to fly, or...

Are they just given a quick crash course?

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

ENTER PASSWORD.

WRONG.

RESET PASSWORD.

NEW PASSWORD CAN'T BE OLD PASSWORD.

Sets fire to computer.

I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the 💕 love of your life!💕

And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!

Comment those numbers to lock it in!!😄

Yo mama's so old, her social security number is one.

I got fired my first day at the bank this old lady told me to check her balance so I pushed her over

What is the email password of a black person?

"watermelon"

An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.

My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.

What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

*Enter password*

"ScoobyDoo"

"Password must contain special character."

"ScoobyDooFeaturingBatman"

As an actor going to film a new TV show in another country, when TSA asks, "What’s the purpose of your visit?"... "I’m going to shoot a pilot" is never a good answer.