Scream jokes
Grass is green. I am the queen. If only I can see you scream on the screen.
Things that rhyme with green, queen, screen: clean, between, been, ...
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
Are you a ghost train? Because I am going to scream when I ride you.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
I was at school when I remembered I forgot my necklace, then I screamed out, "Shit, I forgot Grandpa!"
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.
Ayo, the pizza here... OH NlGGA! AHHHHH!... Augh, my ears burn!
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.
Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"
Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".
"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"
Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."
Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."
What happens when an orphan is told that someone had found their parents?
They cry...
They scream... with joy.
"Oh wait, no, that wasn't your parents."
Orphan grabs a knife out of the kitchen, lets just say, the orphan didn't live to tell the tail...
Why was the chicken screaming?
He had an egg stuck in his butt.
My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!