Science jokes
Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?
Because it looks like a g-nome.
Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.
"Harry Hicks smells of home. Homo is an infection, and infections are made up of atoms."
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite toy as a kid?
Hot Wheels.
What goes up but never comes down?
Water in Australia.
Memes
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food?
His left shoulder.
Why did people bully the burning circuit?
It was too short.
Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
What do you call a cross between a computer and a vampire bat?
Love at first byte! <3
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.
It’s impossible to put down.
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
If there are 12 fish and 6 drown, how many are left?
12, because fish don't drown.
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
Are you made of Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?
'Cause damn, you lookin' kinda Au Ti S Ti C.
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
Fat kids are so fat, they have their own gravitational pull.