Science jokes
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
Stephen Hawking drove too far from the wall and unplugged.
He also forgot to pay the power bill.
If you replaced the boss in Portal with a boy, you would hear Stephen Hawking.
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
Why is Stephen Hawking so square headed? Because he forgot to shut Minecraft down!
Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.
Your hairline is so big, not even a black hole can eat it!
Stephen Hawking isn't dead; his update is just laggy because he is too far from the WiFi box.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
What is the thirstiest ocean in the world?
The Gulf of Mexico lol!
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
Steven Hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says...
WAITTTT WHATTT