Science

Science jokes

Sun

Timmy has 5 apples.

His train is 7 minutes early.

Calculate the mass of the sun.

Scientist

A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.

The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.

The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.

Memes

Song

What is Hawking's number one song? The Beach Boys: "I Get Around."

Superpower

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

Poison

The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.

Bee

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!

Mitosis

What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."

Moon

August 3rd is the moon of earth, earth, moon, earth, universe.

Pig

What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?

Jurassic Park.

Fart

What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?

What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.

Mathematician

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Pilot

I made this one up myself just now.

Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.