Science jokes
Uranus is blue.
Timmy has 5 apples.
His train is 7 minutes early.
Calculate the mass of the sun.
A NASA scientist is sitting in a bar when a Martian walks in and orders a martini.
The NASA scientist quickly realizes he is dreaming and wakes up. He turns to his wife and tries to explain the dream, but she rolls over and ignores him because she is tired of listening to him.
The NASA scientist begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles. lmao.
What is Hawking's number one song? The Beach Boys: "I Get Around."
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
What is yellow? The sun ☀️.
You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!
"Yah, I do!"
Oh yeah? What is it?
"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"
That’s breathing, Jim.
"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"
His wife shut off the internet.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!
What did Allan say to William, his sister, when he stepped on his toe? "OWWW Mitosis."
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
August 3rd is the moon of earth, earth, moon, earth, universe.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Jurassic Park.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost WiFi connection.
What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?
What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.
Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
How cool is NASA?
Not cool at all.
I made this one up myself just now.
Stephen Hawking would be a good pilot because the aircraft would be the first to take off and land in autopilot.