What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What was Stephen Hawking's least favorite invention? The walkie-talkie.
Why does no one look up at Steven Hawking?
You have to look down to see him.
Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.
SCP-173 has breached containment. This is not a joke. Multiple Keter class SCPs have breached containment. This is an XK class event. Evacuate the Earth and solar system. The world is ending!
I was using my computer one time and I pressed Ctrl-Alt-Delete and Stephen Hawking went into a deep sleep
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
why isn't stephen hawking going to heaven? because he's british
I wonder if Stephen Hawking has ever watched Avengers: Endgame... Oh wait, he can't.
Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.
What motorway lane does Stephen Hawking use?
Hard shoulder.
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
I found out what DNA stands for. It's the National Dyslexic's Association.
Rocks are used too much; people take 'em for granite.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
Enter, backspace. Enter, backspace.
Why are Amoebas so bad at math? Because, when they need to multiply, they divide
If the formula of water is H2O, then what is the formula of ice?
H2O cubed.
What did the boy say to his brother at chemistry class?
"Hey BrO!"
What did the people do to the deceased after tests?
They bari-um.
