Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What did the neutrino say to the planet? -- "Just passing through."
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, "Where'd you get that?"
The student on the bike replies, "While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, "You can have anything you want.""
The first student responds, "Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?
"Wait, I can explain everything!"
What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can't hear an enzyme.
