Say jokes

What’s the difference between a hoe and a rooster?

A rooster says, "Cock-a-doodle-doo," and a hoe says, "Any cock will do."

If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual assault?

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.

Trump, must I say more?

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says, "Why is a young man like you smoking?" The man turns around and says, "Why the fuck are you wearing trainers?"

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do?

I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through.

The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark.

Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair.

That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect.

Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side.

Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know.

But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”

The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”

One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"

Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

What did the pedophile say to the nutcracker?

"Aren't you a little too young to be doing that?"

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"

Let’s say there’s a person who should have never come to exist. How would you find them?

A: Look in a mirror.

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."