Say jokes

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.

Q: What did the porn actress say when she opened the door?

A: Make sure to come upstairs!

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

People say that they can read people's faces; then how come nobody sees me breaking inside?

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying, "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

What did the kid say to the emo?

"Don't leave me hanging!"