Say jokes

Did you know that people say Michael Jackson only became a pedophile when he was white?

Lucky for him, if he was black he would have been found guilty.

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

People have been telling me that you can get things for free now.

The other day I saw a sign saying "FREE PALESTINE."

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.

"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Drake."

"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."

"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."

A deaf couple wants to know when to have sex.

The wife says, "If you want to have sex, squeeze my tits once. If you don't want to have sex, squeeze my tits twice."

The husband says, "OK, if you want to have sex, pull my dick once. If you don't want to have sex, pull my dick 437 times."

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

A gay couple walks into a Muslim bar. The tender flares up and says, “let me guess, a little blood on the rocks?”

I think it’s dumb that people say a woman belongs in the kitchen.

How else is the rest of the house going to get cleaned?

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

What did the balls say to the dick?

Hey dick, how's it hanging?

Why did the Canadian cross the road?

To say sorry to the other side.

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.

When I was in middle school, I was on my bus and people were doin' hairline jokes, and I heard this guy say, "Your hairline goes back to... uhhhhhh... 2042?"

What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?

Nothing, you told her twice.

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

What did the kid say to the emo?

"Don't leave me hanging!"

What should you never say to a Japanese person? "You're da bomb!"

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.