Say jokes

A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.

A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

For being a big company, NASA is openly saying they want pictures of Uranus.

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

Everyone has a good heart; they just don't know what to do with it. I say give someone some love. Hate is sooooo stupid. Love is soooo smart!

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?

"I sea him!"

People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"

And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"

I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.

You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?

I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.

What did the letter A say to the letter B?

"Z" you later.

What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

Q: What did one atom say to the other?

A: I have my ion you.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?

"Our souls will rain forever."