Say jokes

Everyone has a good heart; they just don't know what to do with it. I say give someone some love. Hate is sooooo stupid. Love is soooo smart!

To a Mexican person: When I first met you, I thought you were going to say, "My name is Enrique, I have a job for you."

What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Pacific Ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.

Gwen is a liar. She said she is a Christian and then is saying bad, bad, bad, bad words. Shame on you, Gwen, LIAR!

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

Two cunts were walking down the street.

One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."

What did the letter A say to the letter B?

"Z" you later.

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

They say there is power in numbers.

Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?

"I don't get it."

Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"

I had a friend who got shot in the head.

Guess you could say he was...

Blown Away!

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”

Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...

Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"

Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."