Say jokes
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
What did the letter A say to the letter B?
"Z" you later.
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?
"I don't get it."
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
Yo mama so ugly, when she looks in a mirror, it says, "Viewer discretion advised!"
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.