Say jokes
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What did the woman say when I told a rape joke?
"I don't get it."
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!"
Q: What can't teachers say to orphans?
A: "I'm calling your parents!"
Why don't cheetahs say goodbye?
Because they are not going to work.
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
A kid went to visit his bully, and he says, "How's your face?" The kid says, "How's your parents?" and proceeds to walk out of the orphanage.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
What time is it when your kids stay home from school? S'no time!
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?
They were always saying "Bach, Bach, Bach". And his cows preferred Moo-zak.
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
POV: You walk up to your short friend and say, "How is the weather down there?"
It hasn't been the same since Kobe died. I can't say "Kobe" anymore when going to shoot a shot. Now I have to say, "Kobe crash!"