Say jokes

What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?

A: Where's the holy baby?

It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.

One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.

I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.

What did the sushi say to the bee?

"Wasuuubi!"

What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?

"Get off me, homes!"

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

"Want me to pack your shit?"

What do you call a chicken staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

(Say it out loud if you don't get it!)

What did the ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean? Answer: Nothing, they just waved.

So, unfortunately, I got kicked out of the library again because, for some reason, they say that books on women's rights don't go in the fantasy section.

My name says it all.

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"

The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."

What does the Fox say?

Fraka - kaka - kaka - kow.

You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

What did the therapist say to the rapist yes please

What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.

How does a depressed couple say goodbye on the phone?

"No, you hang yourself first..."

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.