Say jokes

What does an electric-type Pokémon say when they get gassy while drinking milk?

I’m Zaptos intolerant!

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!" The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

What did the fork say to the cake when he said, "I hope you get eaten?"

Fork off!

Technoblade says, "Punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?"

What did one alligator say to the other alligator?

"Let’s go for an all-in-one buffet!"

What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He's a d!ck.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

What did the fish say when seeing his best mate?

"I sea him!"

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

A baby and his father are sitting in a street cafe. A woman bends over to pick up her keys just as a gust of wind blows up the woman's dress. "va va voom," the baby says. The dad chuckles and says, "Yes. I'd like to have sex with her too."

What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?

"No, you ate my cock!"

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say "forgive and forget". They are really obedient.

One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"

What did the emo say to the popular kid?

"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."

What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.

Yo momma so stupid... weather man says it's chilly outside... instead of a jacket, she gets a bowl and spoon!

What do you say to a depressed person?

"I like ya cut, G."