Say jokes
The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
Why did the duck say hi to the other butt?
Because he wanted it to smell good.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
A boy breaks a vase, and his mom says it's ok, honey, mistakes happen. How do you think you were born?
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
What did the Mexican man say when his house fell on him?
"Get off me homes."
What do you say to an upset German?
Quit being such a sauerkraut!
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"It's nice, but can it pick up peanuts?"
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
What does a killer say in the shower in the morning?
- Splish splash, I'm gonna slash...
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
You're so ugly that everytime you look up in the sky, God says, "Sorry, can't help you."
What did the toaster say to the bread?
"I want you inside me!"
What did the kangaroo say to the elephant? Hi up there!
An American bully goes up to an English kid and says, "You're ugly!"
And the English kid says, "Well, wanna know why you can't play Jenga?"
"Why?" says the bully.
"Because you haven't got a tower."