Say jokes
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
What did one chair say to the other?
"I'm so bummed out!"
What did the baseball chief say to the Orphan?
GO HOME!
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
Brutha was caught lacking
What did the German Shepherd dog say to Hitler?
"Mein Führer ist steckenbleiben in meinen Zähnen."
What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, because they are walls.
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
Go up to your friend and say: "It smells like updog."
They will likely reply: "What's updog?"
To which you reply: "Nothing much, what about you?"
Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.
Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.
Here’s my hand, please hold it. That way I can say I was touched by an angel.
Me: What did the twin say to the other twin?
Friend: I don't know.
Me: I'll fall with you.
What did one butt cheek say to the other?
"Together we can stop this shit."
Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
*Aye, Matey!*
One day I'm walking and I saw Josh B. He's sucking balls and Marco jump[s], and we got [an] earthquake, and I say, "Yamate."
What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"