Say jokes
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left."
The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?"
The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
What does the man cheeseburger say to the girl cheeseburger?
“You got nice buns!”
What did the teacher say to the fat Turkish kid that always ate in his class?
"You could do with Ramadan lasting all year, couldn't you?"
What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?
“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”
What does a stick say when it falls down? "Wood you help me up?"
What did the diver say when he was trapped in seaweed?
- Kelp!
What did the bus say to the other bus?
"Beep!"
What did Yoda say to Luke during his wedding ceremony?
"May divorce be with you."
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people?
I'D HIT THAT!
What did one skeleton say to the other?
Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"
Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)
Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."
Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"
Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"
Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Answer: Damn!
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Say what you want about Hitler, but in the end, he did kill Hitler.
What did one male whale say to the other male whale?
"She's gonna blow!"