Say jokes
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂
Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
Gun
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?
They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A plane is going to crash. There are four passengers and only three parachutes. All the staff are safe and are gone, leaving the passengers. Ryan Reynolds is the first. He says, "My fans need me," and jumps. Donald Trump takes another and says, "I am the smartest president," and jumps, leaving one. There is a pope and a boy left. The pope says, "Child, my life is over and yours has just begun, take the last parachute." The boy replies, "Don't worry - Donald took my backpack."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?
I guess orange is the new black.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?
Nothing, it just waved.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!