Say jokes

What did the plate say to the other plate? Lunch is on me! 😂

A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.

Guess how I got away from my mom saying I can't play Fortnite? I took my stuff and I ran to Iran.

What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?

"That hit the spot?"

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?

"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."

The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."

The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"

The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but nobody cares about you.

If you don't like orphan jokes, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ON HERE??!!! WE DON'T ACCEPT YOU HERE!

If you saw an orphan, could you say where your parents at? And if they cry, just say, "hey here are your parents" then grab nothing. Perfect example.

The mirror says: "If you break me, you will have 3 years of bad luck."

The Magic Jewel says: "If you break me, you will have 10 years of bad luck."

The condom just sitting there laughing.

What did Papyrus say when Sans served spaghetti to Frisk?

BONE-Appetit!

What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?

It's pasture your bedtime.

Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.

It says, "271032."

What did the policeman say to his belly button?

You're under a vest.

What did the ocean say when it saw the beach?

Nothing, it just waved.

When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."

What does a cop say when you shoot a ginger?

I guess orange is the new black.