Say jokes
Why do orphans like going to church?
Because they actually get to say "father" for once.
What did the chicken say when he saw a human running around uncontrollably?
"It's running around like a chicken with its head cut off!"
What did Michael Jackson say?
Nothing, he's dead.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
"You're boo-tiful!"
What did the chancla say to the belt?
"It's time."
What did the orphan say to his mom?
Where are you?
What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."
What did the pen say to the pencil? You have a point.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.
Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What did one sea say to the other sea? Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.
What did one cheek say to the other cheek?
"It is a squash in here!"
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
The patient said, "When will this be over?"
The doctor said, "After you die."
The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"
The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."
The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"
I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.