Say jokes
I don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me.
So anyway, this old guy goes to the doctors. The doctor says, "It's bad news, you've got cancer and Alzheimer's." The old guy replies, "At least I've not got cancer!"
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
The cow was stuck because 3 retarded piggies were blocking him.
What did the cow say to the pigs, "MOOOVE!"
How do you say "nose" in Spanish?
hmm.... No sé.
April Fools' joke: Go to an orphanage and say your parents came back.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
When I say, "Daddy," my stepbrother raises his head.
What did the airplane say to the tower? Allahu Akbar!
"Orange, orange, orange."
"Knock, knock."
"Orange."
"Orange you happy I didn't say orange again?"
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
What did the customer say when Beef a Roo made him a bacon cheeseburger?
Thank a Roo.
I call my sister a "fat cow," and she asks me, "Want to hear a joke?" I say, "Sure." She says, "You are the joke!"
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
When I try to call my friend, I can't get through because my name is Lin Kon, and the operator keeps saying, "Yes, Mr. President."
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
"Breathe... Breathe..."
What is a fish’s 🐟 favorite game?
Salmon Says!
A cop pulls over an old man.
The cop walks up to the old man and says, "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old man said, "No."
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."