Say jokes

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

Something you can say about a restaurant, but not your partner:

"So you’re open 24 hours a day?"

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

"Say what you want about the deaf."