Say jokes

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."

You know how people say white men can’t jump? Well, you should check the 9/11 footage.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?

I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.

What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?

"Hello, ladies!"

What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.

What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

What does Michael Jackson say when it gets hot?

He-he-eat!

"Say what you want about the deaf."

What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?

"Okay, Boomer."

An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.

Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!

Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.

Doctor: I didn’t.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

What does Michael Jackson say when he grabs his crotch? I never noticed that before.

What does Michael Jackson say when he gets hard? Ow!