A Jew and a Jew walk into a bar. The goy says, "What do you want?" The first Jew says, "Give it alcohol." The second Jew says, "My son ran away and became Christian." Another Jew pipes in, he says, "My son too!" The bartender turns around and says, "You're not going to believe this..."
Say Jokes
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
"Just say NO to drugs!" Well, if I'm talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?
"Where are the kids?"
What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?
I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!
What’s one thing you can say during family dinner and in bed?
"Will there be seconds?"
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
What did the cow say to the leather chair?
“Hi Mom!”
What did the water say to the cup?
"Good day!"
They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.
What did God say when he made the first woman?
"Where is your dick at?"
Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.
I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.
An optimist says, "The glass is half full."
A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."
A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."
Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"
What does a white person say when they're surrounded by black guys? "Hey, who turned the lights out?!"
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
