Why did the tomato blush? -- Because it saw the salad dressing.
I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods and I was going to tell him nice fake airpods but it was his hearing aids
i saw identical twins. i threw a paper plane at them.
I went to the shooting range the other day after a while I realized I was the only one there so I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene, man I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying
When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder
That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage
little johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it and it said take 1 god is watching. He continues walking and sees a bowl of cookies that said take 1 please so little johnny made his own note and he wrote take as many cookies as you want god is watching the apples
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)
I saw a little kid on their bike before. So i ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
How do you cut the sea in half? With a sea-saw