I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, SHUTTING DOWN
today i saw my son lick out a tub of butter, i told him to make a sandwitch without butter for a week (as a punishment) he said 'ok' and licked the bread. 'it's really easy to spread' he said. LOL!
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita" , and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit and the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP"
How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider Man? Well, he weaved a really tangled web and Aunt May saw it.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news saying he was a SERIAL killer
Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked, he thought "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened" so he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her. Wonder Woman stood up and said "What was that?" the Invisible man said "I don't know but my asshole stinks"
I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "autistic child zone". Then I thought to myself Oh shit that wasn't a dog!
Walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by him self and he looked like he needed a hand so i offered to help, he said this is not a big screen TV its a Kindle!!
A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton and you still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work "
“I really hate cats” my friend replied with" you gotta be kitten me."
We never saw him again
How does the sea say hello It WAVES you SEA what I did their I'm SHORE you saw it Don't be SALTY
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win - however, no pun in ten did.
Once I saw a mirror.... and that was when I got the ability to become a ghost
Lil Johnny Looked A lil Bonny But then when he saw tommy he decided to bomb me
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
I saw a person raping a woman in an alleyway,i decided to help...she doesn't stand a chance between us.
