Said jokes

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?

It said nothing, just let out a little wine.

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?

After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.

All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?

When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"