Said jokes

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Found this girl in Hawaii.

Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.

She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.

A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"

The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”

“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”

Your mom is so fat that when she went on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

Looking out for becoming a pilot, can y'all suggest some good mosques?

Don't want to learn the landing part, though, Allah said it's unnecessary.

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.

The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!