Said jokes

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!

She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!

A man robs a bank and asks a woman, "Did you see that?"

She says, "Yes." So the man shoots her.

He leaves the bank and sees a couple. He asks, "Did you see that?" The husband said, "No, but my wife did!"

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

The terrorists said over the intercom, "We're coming up to our destination, so we can't go over it, we can't go under, we have to go through it."

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.