Said jokes

An emo man asked a librarian for a suicide book. She said no because you won't bring it back.

Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?

It said nothing, just let out a little wine.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

A son walks up to his dad and says, "I'm so gay right now!"

"HOW COULD YOU? I THOUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT!!!" screams the dad.

"No, gay as in HAPPY," says the confused son, "I'm so happy right now!"

"Oh," says the dad, "why are you happy?"

Then the son said, "Because I just got 20 dollars for sucking a guy off."

An African man visits his friend in the US.

“I just flew in yesterday,” the African man says. “And boy are my arms tired!”

“You know, that’s kind of an old joke here in America,” replied his friend.

“Joke?” the African man said. “I’ve been holding my hands in the air yelling ‘don’t shoot’ ever since I got to this damn country!”

Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"

Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?

She said a monster attacked her.