Said jokes
Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"
I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."
My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."
A kid named Timmy said to his dad that he had sex with his teacher, and his dad was proud of him and gave him a bike.
The kid said, "I can't use it; my butt hurts!"
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
My 19-year-old girl killed a butterfly. I said no butter for you.
She then she killed a cockroach. I told her nice try.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Some people said that JFK had big parties. Some even would say they were *mind blowing*.
A police officer came up to me and said, "Just why, why would you bring the epileptic children to a laser tag fight?"
What did the man say to the deaf kid? He said...
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.
The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."
The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."
My lesbian friends bought me a gold timepiece for my birthday.
But, I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch!"