Said jokes

GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"

My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"

I said: "Why?"

My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"

I said: "KNEW IT!"

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."

A homeless kid walked up to another kid and said, "I have what you don't." He said, "(Parents)."

And the kid said, "Your right, I do have parents," and walked away.

An orphan asked if they could move into my house yesterday. I said, "Don't you have a family?"

I was playing Warzone last night, and I shot my teammate that said they were emo. When I shot him, another player did, and it said "assist kill."

My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.

There was once a Spanish magician. He said, "Uno, dos..." and he disappeared without a tres.

Went to see a psychic the other day.

I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"

So I turned around and left.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Bin Laden’s kid comes sad from school.

“Dad, I got an F in Geography class!”

“Why is that?”

“The teacher asked me what’s the tallest building in New York and I said ‘Empire State Building.’”

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies, “Let dad handle this one.”

My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.