Said jokes

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"

I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."

He asked, "In an orphanage?"

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."

So, one day a teacher asked, "How many of you have thought of committing suicide?" Half of the class raised their hand, but the teacher said, "Where are Jesse and John?"

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!

Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!

Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."

She said, "Who's there?"

I said, "I Eat eat my mop."

She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."

What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?

It said nothing, just let out a little wine.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

The guard caught one of the fugitives as he tried to escape. All he said was...

"Don't let your guard down."

Horrible Jokes, Part One- A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"