Said jokes

Teacher: Hi class, today we will learn about the song, "London Bridge is falling down, falling down."

Then one student said, "I thought it was 'Twin Towers are falling down, falling down!'"

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

DARK ALERT********

A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.

DARK ALERT********

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

Bro, the US keeps bullying the UK because the queen died, and do you know the meme "No Bitches?" Yeah, they put "No Queen" instead. And guess what? The UK replied this time and said, "No Towers?" I was shocked. UK's most devious lick.

Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"

The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"

BOINGZINGA!?!

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

5 4 3 2 1. I love the huge bright sun. 5 4 3 2 1. My life has just begun. Though Akeld and Unkown, make me feel alone, they want be dead, and off with my head, and all I said was... NO FRICKIN' HATIN' IN THESE COMMENTS! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

"I work with animals," the man said to his date.

His date said, "I love a man who works with animals. What job is it for the animal?"

"I am a butcher," said the man.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

Fence 1 was thinking and Fence 2 said, "Are you still on the fence about running away?"

Fence 1 said, "Yeah, I was thinking of running on the RAILROAD."

I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?