Said jokes

I told a Chinese man, "Which is better, cats or dogs?"

He said, "Dogs."

I said, "Why?"

He said, "Because dogs tasted better than cats."

I told a furry, "Don't call yourself a joke!" I said to the furry, "Joke has meanings."

Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"

The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"

BOINGZINGA!?!

I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"

I told Siri about my dog, and she told me if she could tell me a joke to cheer me up, and I said okay.

She asked me, "Knock knock." I said, "Who is there?" She said, "Not your dog."

DARK ALERT********

A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.

DARK ALERT********

Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.

A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

I asked my dad why a grown man would play Pokémon Go?

He said “Wynaut.”

Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

Dodi replies...:

“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."

Yesterday I was asked where my parents are. I said, "Getting milk."

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

Ever seen twins?

If you said yes, was it before or after 2001?

How do you know the hooker killed herself?

She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.